can a sister get an amen?

i don't want to sound too harsh, but i can pretty much tell whether i'm comfortable in a church by the first worship song.

am i expected to dance and jump?

is it a 7 by 70? the same seven words, 70 times?

is there an emphasis on sounding perfect?

and best of all, does the same song last for 12 minutes?

if so, i'm not comfortable there. this church is obviously not for me...

i'm glad God puts me in places where i'm not comfortable. like this morning. it reminds me of how universal and amazing he is. and how he's so much bigger than what i'm comfortable with. and how he reveals himself differently to different people. in all seriousness, i'm increibly happy that i spent most of the service this morning desperately wanting to plug my ears.

i was searching the preacher's words, waiting for a fallacy. and i certainly heard the gospel of success. but God does use our faults [like my judgmental scrutiny] and works good from them. like the reminder that faith is believe unto action.

do i believe in God's power enough to put that thought into action? relationships are two way, and it doesn't mean that i think i'm earning my salvation if i confess that faith without works is dead. james doesn't say that salvation without works is dead. he says faith without works is dead. faith, that daily reliance on God's grace to help us grow and change and see him for the Love that he is.

it's good to be uncomfortable. can a sister get an amen?

a blaze of glory

so i'm here. in chicago. and i love it. but i'm tired.

i'm tired of having my incompetence proven everytime a bus passes me mid-block.

i'm tired of waiting for random material goods to arrive in the mail.

i'm tired of everything being new.

but on the brighter side.

i'm excited that i have a horrible photo on my very own name badge [mine always end up looking like convict photos]. i'm excited that my school has wireless internet. wu. i'm excited that i've met a dozen or more new folks in my program. [people who are also excited about their name badges]. i'm excited that i watched stranger than fiction last night while putting together a lovely desk and chair set.  i'm excited that my apartment feels more like home.  oh. my. gosh. i'm actually even excited that i saw chris scoles?! i'm excited that even though i forgot paper, i remembered my computer, so i can still take notes. [i get to be the annoying clic-clic-clic sound maker!] i'm excited that it's not as hard to walk 2 miles as it was a week ago. i'm excited that i know how to get to target. i'm excited that even though two of my favorite mugs broke in transit, my printer works perfectly [except that i need cyan ink].  i'm excited that i have a job interview on thursday. i'm excited that i have class in about 20 minutes.

oh my. i have class in 20 minutes...i should go eat something, so that i can withstand the 3 hour lecture on biblical spirituality.

time capsule

so...am posting for the first time from my handy-dandy macbook. in large part, the best computer i've encountered in a long time. all sort of short cuts. 

i decided to try out the mail program. i should start by saying that i've never successfully used outlook on a pc. but this is a mac, so i thought it might be different. worth a shot anyway.

so i open the program, let it automatically do whatever it automatically does [macs seems to do everything automatically. a child could operate them with ease] and wait for my mail to arrive.

only, the 'new' e-mails that begin popping up are, oh...years old. a friend set up the e-mail account for me a couple of years ago and i've used it ever since. so, obviously i've deleted a lot of e-mails in that two year time frame. many deleted for good reason. i'm talking, business information, grad school inquiries, college church announcements, old transactions, and worst of all...embarrassingly flirtatious communications. eagerness for something that never came to fruition.

when i sign into my e-mail account using fantabulous safari, no such remnants of my past appear. long ago deleted, embarrassment forgotten. but this mail program just reminds me what a twit i really am. or at least have been.

i long for 'progress'. for the knowledge that i'm doing things well - whether relationships, business, school, or the other things life entails. don't we all? there is always the hope that we used to be worse, but now we're getting better. maybe that's why God didn't give us brains that remember everything. if my head worked as well as this obnoxious mail program...i'd never get anything done! i'd just sit around despising myself all day.

i just wanted to check my e-mail. but no. instead i am reminded of every embarrassing detail i tried to delete and forget. maybe this is when i have to ask God to help shut it off. not the program...my head. haha. what good is there in sitting around and feeling bad for things that i can't change?

so i said regrettable things to a boy. it's a working friendship now.

so i pitched business ideas that my bosses didn't believe in. it's their business.

so i gave up on grad school. i'm starting classes in two weeks because i eventually did apply.

so i forgot the meaning of church leadership. God is more real to me, and i'm less tired than either have been in a long time. 

perfectionists. whoosh. can't change the past. even if i could i'd probably not be happy with my choices. God's the only one with a nature big enough to harmoniously reconcile everything.

i'm going to go back some more boxes. and delete all those e-mails again.

liciousness in south central

the southern central valley, i mean.

okay, so mom and i went to a nearby shopping mecca [any town laying claim to more than mervyn's and wal-mart qualifies] to find a few necessary items.

stopped by the bookstore, returned something at costco [i like it when people call costco "costco's" - as though a person named costco is selling all of his or her goods in bulk orders] and picked up a couple of borrowed schwinns from aunt and uncle. nothing terribly out of the ordinary. interesting to see how the ol' town has grown, actually. stores are being built en masse and have been for years. growth, expansion. all in the name of progress. sure.

you may be wondering why 'liciousness' crept its way into my title if i'm just rambling about a shopping trip to another placeless town in the great cv. traveling down the road i thought i nearly thought i was hallucinating as i saw not one - but two businesses with 'licious' in their names. posted, [in plain sight], on their signage, and, I would assume, emblazoned on their county clerk business licenses as well. what in the world? one was some kind of operating car upholstery establishment while the other, 'doughnutlicious' [which will also be a teriyaki grill, thank goodness], will be coming in soon.

does the same creative person own both of these fantastically named joints? or did two different entities decide 'licious' was an enticing...adjective? suffix? what part of speech does 'licious' fall under, exactly? is it okay to add licious to anything? can we make licious an adverb? does it make you want to buy a teriyaki doughnut?

lovelicious?
computerlicious?
chocolatelicious - or should it be chocolicious?

how about we just add licious to all of our names, implying that we, in fact, are delicious just like doughnuts and car upholstery!

signing off before i ramble off the licious world of sanity,

yours, loveliciously,
carrielicious

ps - i suppose we should really thank beyonce for these business titles. so, thanks to the queen of bootyliciousness.