so this is me when i realized that my wedding count is up to 5. i know others have been in just as many or many more, but even 5 freaks me out. as always...i wonder why.
why is it strange to me? my dearest friends are all of marrying age. oh, that's right. i am also of marrying age. i definitely don't looooonnnnggg to be married or anything. maybe that's what every bridesmaid says? i think i'm being honest with myself. it seems to be the event that knocks my common sense out of commission, not the ceremony.
the months of preparation, the mutual stress, the schedules, the dresses, the shoes, the make up, the flowers, the manicures, the pedicures, the blah. blah. blah.
can i still love the people and be vaguely terrified by the event itself? i do enjoy the ceremony, getting to be an up front witness and all that. the whole, committing of lives thing. it's beautiful. oye vey. what am i complaining about? people i love, love me back, and want me to be near them when they proclaim one of the most important things they'll ever proclaim. that's beautiful.
i wonder what my wedding will be like. when or if i have one. i've never spent hours dreaming about it. that's always made me feel a little...hrmmm...guilty? if i can say that? am i less of a woman? ay ay ay. i thought teenage angst was bad! heh. it'll be what it'll be. and as long as God is at the center of the union and the visual representation of that union - i'm content.
listen to me, thinking about my wedding. it goes against everything i stand for. [hahaha]. i'm off to go cook or clean or something feminine.
